when I was young I thought at 15 I'd have a countless amount of friends and I'd be at every party there was, awake till 5 am with a boy who loved my soul just as much as I loved his eyes, sneaking out every night with people I didn't know and laughing until breathing became a chore. I never thought I'd be spending my nights alone in bed wondering if I'd ever stop getting lost in my own head, wishing I could think of myself as someone who was able to conquer my fears and take on the world. with clenched fists and blood shot eyes, screaming out every word that was ever thrown at me to make me feel anything less than alive. the jumbled thoughts so sloppily written down just so I could get them somewhere they wouldn't hurt me anymore. taking way too many painkillers so I could just sleep but no, it was never that ******* easy.