Its pretty early

or maybe its just a cloudy day

the light from the big bay windows

is bright and soft and sad in its purity

my heeled black boots click on the standard multi-grained colored tile

I see you in the distance in a familiar hallway

In the mandatory uniform

hands balled up in tan pants, a book bag slung over one shoulder

I stand on the opposite end looking somewhat normal

a gray and black abstract top that screams art teacher/librarian

dark purple lipstick, blue jeans, and a intricate up-do

I believe I am particularly self-conscious about this

but your smiling at me like I'm beautiful anyways

the clicking of the heels get quicker as I magnetize towards you

I fit into you like a puzzle piece

body to body, heart to heart

your arms are wrapped knowingly across my lower back

my arms are clutching your neck holding on for dear life or something else that means so much more

You still smell the same

Your breath is soft against my ear right above the sliver hoop

When we try to remove ourselves from the sticky membranes of the closeness

my nose trails across your cheek

your chin

I want that kiss I will never again receive

I look up and you're wearing that smirk

that rare smirk, that heart shattering smirk, my smirk

This. This embrace echoes things of the past

of chance, and love, and lust, and confusion, frustration, failure, and forgiveness

even though we wear that polite"we're just friends" expression on our faces.

This memory, I can place in the past , present, or future

But sometimes. Sometimes it happens differently

Sometimes I am comfy in an old slipknot shirt outside your house in the pouring rain

Sometimes we are at Parkdale directly after I've crashed and burned, trying to smile bravely like it doesn't hurt

Sometimes I am lost and broken amid the cherry blossoms sighing for you

Sometimes its on Halloween before I take my four month leave

But alot of times

more often than most

its in the way you look at me and say

How are you?

and I know you truly mean it

That's when I realize i don't need to say a word..You know

I loved you

I lost you

And vivid memory maybe the only thing I gain from this

in its embracive care

and that's okay with me

finally.