It howls inside me like a frightened child
Waking from a nightmare and shaking
The fear, the failure, the darkened eyes
All crying as my mind is breaking
It screams at the stars, their majesty
Is godless and unforgiving
My petrified gaze another call for help;
A supplication to those still living
It whimpers in the early hours,
This emptiness – this unholy void
Of desperation within my skin,
The shell I have so carefully destroyed
Its frenzied cries echo from my mouth
My lips form its endless request
Aching and heavy, it sits divine
Rests in my throat and hollow chest
It weeps – a hellish caterwaul
Of desire and perceived deprivation
My ball and chain, my hair shirt,
Symbol of my long damnation
It grovels at the feet of greater demons
Satisfaction sought in a lost soul
It drives me mad and pushes me higher
Too weak alone to achieve its goals
It screeches that with one more push,
A little further, a little longer
I can find my nirvana and my
Shangri-la – denial making me stronger
It whispers so believably and so
Trustworthy is its feeble disguise
I fall for deceit and stars and tricks
I lose myself in cunning lies
It howls once more, a victory cry
On a throne made of my heart
It sits – I am lost
Once more back to the start.
© Tara India