i did not grow up playing house
or learn how to play pretend
but i do it well
because that's what we do
when things go over our head.



look at my girlfriend's ******
he says,

and i go to jail for poppin him
twice
upside the head.



nightmares in my head
gun
blood
water
crying

and people wonder
why i talk about dying.



i didn't do it soon
or well
or hard
or quick
or long

enough.

and now i pay for it
every night
while lying in bed.



lost and found
stable and quavering
cold and sweltering
bi and polar.