Depression isn't anything new for me.
Its a constant nagging in the back of my mind,
constantly needing attention deep down.
Sipping my ability to focus on other things,
draining concentration.

But to other people,
its always a new story to be told
a deeper, underlying theme
just below the surface
of my nonchalance.

I'm always reluctant to share that side,
as the air of separation
is extremely comforting.
A last line of defense,
an imaginary bubble that no one can penetrate.

Because not many people actually know
what despair feels like.
The term "rock bottom" is tossed around,
but how many people actually feel like
there is literally no way things can get worse?

It isn't ever logical,
I cannot explain why depression is what it is.
Its not that you aren't happy,
more like you cannot bring yourself to happiness,
no matter how much you want to.

That's what people don't see.
You really, really want to go out and have fun,
but there's something inside
constantly forcing you down,
as if that's the normal thing.

Which leads to the same conversation,
"Hey wanna go do something?"
"No, I'm not feeling it."
"Why, what's wrong? What can I do to help?"
And I don't even know.

Because I often have no idea what I want,
or what could possibly make me feel better.
I know what doesn't help.
When people just get frustrated, or worse,
try and tell me how, and what, to feel.

Frustration builds,
because they want to help,
they truly do,
but they can't.
No matter how hard they try.

The words in the background
that make me feel the way that I do
just get louder and louder,
to a deafening volume,
drowning everything else out.

Its unreal,
even if you have everything in the entire world,
you still feel like you have nothing.
Depression is indiscriminate.
It can find anyone, applying a stranglehold.