if the gunshot rings through your ears
even past midnight
and you are stuck wondering
when the ringing will stop
or if it will ever stop

if you realize that you can do anything
including stopping the ring
then you can engage in your surroundings
and understand the matrix
that is letting go

then i wonder if you can still stop
the falling of your teeth
in the sink, blood flowing from your soft gums
and when you look up in the mirror
do you see yourself?

i wonder if my body will crack
or burst when it hits the ground
and i wonder how i will handle
the loss of my mother's mother
will i feel her kiss on my cheek?

i wonder what the grave feels like
and if i'm quite ready to express
the swings in my mood or the way
the moon rises and falls to my calling
(do you feel it?)

how can we ever be sure of what we need
and what we want? i don't even know who i am
or what i stand for and ****
when you talk ****, my ******* voice raises
i scream like your father screamed

i scream like he screamed when the blood ran
past his eyes and into his mouth
and i bet you never got over the sound
of the gunshot and the way it resonated
through the house

did you turn to the killer?
what did you say
and if you could go back
what would you say?
what would you do?

do you feel it?
do you feel the kiss
the breath, the trickle
of the blood running down
your wrists

do you feel it?
can you hear the reality
of the world crushing
your eardrums and the
teeth falling onto your piano?

your piano hums lullabies of pain
and when you lose your focus,
does the dream go away?
and when you take those pills,
do you feel it?

he lifted up a white rag
and washed the blood
off of your father's cheeks
and closed it over your mouth
like chloroform