Wanted* (read the three day old paper):
yourself, position effective immediately, pay negotiable

Being in the job market for longer than I’d care to admit, I applied.
I could be a yourself.
I hoped I wouldn’t have to sit in a cubicle.
(I knew I could though, if it came right down to it).

I wore Roots sweatpants to the job interview,
It’s quirky, I thought, I am *just doing me.
I envisioned my power animal: that vastly underrated emoji
(You know the one; he’s coy as ****).
I was also coy as ****.
Or as coy as I could ******* feel in pants whose proud purpose was to make their wearer perspire.

I bet NO ONE had thought of this.

Turns out everyone had thought of it.
****…

Needless to say, I didn’t get the position; the yourself life wasn’t for me.
So I applied elsewhere.
Somewhere far away from that whole embarrassing sweatpant fiasco.