it must have been after the shaky hesitation
and half naked runs across rooms
or after the time I saw all of your skin
(all of it)

it was after the time your shyed away
silent laughing
or were we home alone?

maybe it was after the time
you wished for me in your bed
and there I appeared
fully dressed and unaware

and I have won trophies
for sneaking in and out of houses
for staying put in your bedroom
for spitting toothpaste out of windows

and I have won trophies
and heavy medals I wear around my neck
for my jealousy and attitude
and aversion to drinking while stealing your liquor
and making you angry
so angry
and so scary
and for making it up to you
and for forgiving you when you have done the same

and in some point
on some squeaky stair
I feel in love
with fishing poles
and the fingers that hold them
and with front seat riding
and a sudden desire
to maybe not be so independent

and sometimes when I think about
the rapid growth
of a flower and a ****
and how easily comparable they are
to coconut drinks and spoiled rice
I wonder if you will get sick of me
and my jealousy
and my attitude

or if after we have shared skin secrets
for month upon month
I still get nervous
when you walk out of bathrooms
and at long eye contact
and for my constant crying
I am not sad
but do you still get nervous?