you are hard to reach 
into the hole you crawl into.
i do not look forward
to these ****** moments
when you dwell in your fits and rages
soaking in your silence
to find your balance.   
tormenting yourself alone
is exhausting
for those who watch.
you are a cold ******* 
when you just don't ******* care.
i wish i could feel the same.
not give a ****,
what the **** do i care.
you came without a manual
i have to learn to ride your storms
put up with your *******.
it's messy sometimes
throws me off-kilter, 
me, the organized me.
i have to be crazy doing this
but i end up ******* about it
waiting anxiously for you to sober up
when i am the one drunk.
go figure.
i cannot change you.
i cannot change me.
it is just exhausting sometimes
these moments of seeing you 
in holes you dig yourself into
leaving the rest of the world
with the finger.
gotta learn to leave you alone
till you give a ****.
till something gives.
love *****.