******* for putting butterflies in my stomach and making me feel this way. I never asked for this, I never asked to love someone. I was perfectly fine being a self-loathing ***** who didn't care about anyone and then you came around and changed all that. Now I never go a day — no, a minute — without thinking about you and now I care about someone. You ruined my whole thing about being independent and not needing anyone, not being attached to anyone, and I hate you for that. But I can't hate you because I love you so much — I am IN love with you. Loving you makes me hate you more but — **** we already went through this. Well guess what, I've tried to get over you but it never ******* works. I pretend I'm over you for like a week but then I find myself thinking about you again, thinking if everything I want to say to you. You know what I will write everything I've ever wanted to say right here, but first you need the whole story.
We met in 7th grade. I didn't give you a second glance. My friend liked you. We were talking, then I started liking you. Most people knew I liked you. 8th grade comes around, **** I still like you. People ask if I still like you — a year is sooo long to have a crush, so I lie and say no. But I noticed more that year, I noticed how your smile dropped when your friends weren't looking. I noticed how thin you were, just like me. (oh my god I ******* hate how you make me feel). Then of course you and your friends joke around "oh he likes her" haha sooo funny. But wait, they said you liked me? Did I hear that right? Crap now I'm blushing; and they see me, and they have to announce that. (******* ******* *******). After 8th grade I tried texting you but you didn't really care I just made a fool of myself. Then we would talk a bit, again I made a fool of myself. And thats really the end of our interactions. But there's more to the story, my feelings!!
You make me feel so terrible, like I want to break everything in sight and then lay in the mess I made because I know you hate me and I hate you too. You keep me up all hours of the day because I'm thinking of you and I can't stop. I want to text you at midnight to say everything I've ever wanted to (maybe I'll send you this tonight) but I would make a fool of myself. You are my addiction, you are the drug that runs through my veins and no matter how hard I try I always end up back to you. No treatment could help me get over you, you're just so addicting. If you called and told me that you wanted to run away with me, I would drop everything in a split second. Hell if you called me to say you were gonna **** me I would drop everything in a split second. I rather be dead than know that we were never meant to be, because to me we were made for each other. You make me write ******* poems for you even though I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you. You make my heart explode and then your thoughts take over my brain and make my brain explode. I'm never not thinking about you. Every love song I hear on the radio reminds me of you. I wish we could have a relationship that people are jealous of, but we aren't even really friends anymore so who would be jealous of that. You make me write nonsense but that's okay because I like writing nonsense about you. You make me cry if I think about you too much. I would have my calendar circle around you, I would do anything you asked.
I say I hate you, but I never could, I'll always love you. So ******* for that.