I hope that when you think of me
the teeth of my memory
sink into your skin
stretched tight like snare drums
around your ribs and across your hips
and no matter how many times I heard
my name drip between your lips
it will never feel real
because now my lungs have turned to steel and my heart still beats but hasn't healed
I hope your flesh turns to fire
at the remembrance of my touch
I hope your blood boils in your veins and your brain decides it's too much
I hope that when you think of me
you're six feet below where I plan to be
I hope it burns
I hope your stomach turns and
I hope it kills you to see me
smiling
I hope I cross your mind as many times that exist between never and forever
every second of the day spent wondering and regretting and remembering to forget me
and I'm somewhere between
*******
and thank you
for forgetting me
for destroying me at fourteen
thank you
for the metaphorical skinned knees
and excuses that resembled
it was never meant to be
the holes in my walls say with sincerity
thank you
because they wouldn't be here
had it not been for you
when I was fourteen
I thought that was the right thing to do
when I was fourteen
I didn't know how to think
the pills I never took
the alcohol I didn't drink
the tears I didn't cry
the night I didn't die
the night I realized
I never needed you
because the sun would still rise
and the sky was still blue
the earth would still turn
and I didn't need you