I've lost count how many times
You said you were
Sorry,
Or how many times
I lied,
Telling you I forgive you,
Just to
Stop
Hearing
Your
Venomous voice.

My first physical connection with a man
Was simply you
Injecting your
Parasitic poison
Into me

And,
No matter how many times I break my skin,
And try to bleed it out,
The poison still flows through my veins--
Slowly killing the heart you broke,
And filling my brain with
The insanity I take pills every day
To try to
Ignore.

The only revenge I seem to have have
Is that guilt you claim to feel.

I know I should be happy
You're "doing better"
But to be perfectly honest,
I would be much happier
Watching you
Suffer as I have.

The god you claimed to serve
Was not the god you really worshiped--
The man you saw everyday when you
Looked in your mirror to
Shave your face with
That expensive electric razor
I bought you for your birthday.

I always knew you were lying when
You told me you loved me.
But, I understand now
That you were lying more to yourself
Than you were to me.

We couldn't fix each other,
And secretly, we both knew
We weren't even trying--
We were just trying to use each other
To get by in a world
Where ****** up people like us
Simply couldn't fit in
With everyone else.

But none of that matters.
What matters is now,
And now,
I am relieved that I will never
Have to see you again

Because in my mind,
I can sit, watching you
Writhing in pain
From the remorse I hope you feel,

And ask my new boyfriend
To pass me the popcorn.