I wonder if he knew I was there.
My father, that is.
We were not very close at that time.
Typical things
Hair too long
Wasting energy on foolish things
And on foolish friends.
He worked too hard for nothing I wanted
And I worked too hard at nothing.
Words grew sparse with increasing distance.
When the time came that I was not quite a man
And he dwindling away.
I would go to the hospital on my lunch break,
Creep into his room.
At first he put on the brave face
"Gonna fight this bear"
But the bear was tireless and metastasized.
Often when I arrived, ***** and sweat stained
He would be asleep
And so I would sit nearby
And if he woke we would talk.
I would encourage him to eat
And he'd say "I'll try".
But often my time would pass
His eyes still closed.
And I would creep back out.
Decades later, I wonder
Did he know how many hours I spent
Wordless and waiting.
Unaware of what I needed to say
And believing there was nothing worth hearing.