it is hard to imagine a ground on which i could securely stand.
or a foundation that i could retreat back to in times of distress or dismay or distrust.
that same transparent foundation has taught me mistrust.
by stark contrast,
that absence has taught me to
extract happiness from sources, such as the way the sun searches for a vacant piece of earth to glow upon,  
or the cracks in the sidewalk…
supposedly, there are two people in this entire world who I am to value even more greatly than the  180 minutes that are my favorite of the entire day.  
i am supposed to rely on their sturdiness much more than relying on a dilapidated mistake in the pavement .
however, now all i want to see is that pavement, becoming a secure barrier between the things i cannot understand