The last four years .
They carved open my chest
There momentum creating a great expanse
Where I use to find
Myself.
I lost her.
they
left me to
Delve deeper into every
Miniscule bit of my identity,
Alone ,
My nature
Rest somewhere
Between my two fists
And genetics
Heretics , hypocrites, and empty space.
The last four years
Changed my concept of the word
Mother,
Of the word daughter,
Of Twin and Sister,
Of love and
Grand mother
Changed bridges from a way to affection
To the source of affliction
I woke to find
Connection had turned to
Weakness in my defenses
  In the last four years.
I discovered
Loneliness to degrees I had never imagined
Anxiety  heartache
confusion  at there  fullest capacity
I have never so genuinely questioned my sanity
Or had so many people telling me I was worthless
But I discovered the depths of my tenacity and
That sometimes anger is a necessity  
To process loss.
That  sometimes
You need a sharper edge to cut
At deeper ties…

In the last four years I learned
That under certain circumstances you
Need to cry.
That all things become clearer with time
and even when your
Faith to pray dies
You can have faith in the wait
Knowing everything
Will change.

In the last four years I learned
What it’s worth to be happy with your self
I discovered
That the only thing they can’t take
Is how you respond
And being trapped is an illusion
Created out of the sacrifices
you weren’t quite ready to make.
That taking the time you need only means
you love yourself enough to care
More than they did.
And  that even when you can’t pretend
they didn’t say the things they said,
Even when you can’t comprehend
The origin of such sharp words
You can work towards
Proving them wrong,
By getting up and moving on.
Welcoming genuine affections
As a cure for the infection you
Get in open wounds
You can affirm what you already
Knew
all along
And
After four years
You can look in the mirror
And know you are strong
Resilient, a thousand times patent
A hundred times brilliant.
And a million times brave..
And you can tack that up
On the list of things
They Can
Never
take
away