I'd like to think that I have a God-given right to my own **** happiness. So why are there so many setbacks? Why do I have to live a nightmare everyday to get what I want? I truly believe this is what's best for me and God agrees. This is who I am. I'm not a girl. I am a guy. I can remember ever since I was little wanting to be a boy. So many setbacks. Acceptance, money, job, wife, kids. Is my family gonna accept me? What about the money? This isn't just a hundred bucks. This is a huge expense. Sure I'll have help from family and friends, but is it ever real gonna be enough? I can deal with getting poked with a needle everyday. I hate anxiety. Why should I have to wake up with anxiety every morning and it's gets to the point where I contemplate suicide? This is pulling me away from my faith. Jesus. I have no words. He's so perfect that anything I say won't measure up to his perfection. This is making me mad at God, as if he is the one throwing the setbacks at me. Well, I guess he kinda is. My good friend Livy said that he gives us obstacles in order for us to prove how much I love him. Okay. I can handle and accept that. What I can't accept is the pain. I can't accept the fact that I deal with anxiety and it kills me emotionally to point where it could potentially **** me physically. Where do I turn? Medication is slowly kicking in. Okay I get the point. Now medicine, can you please just kick in already so I believe that I have a reason to live? I don't wanna feel alone. I just want to be free. Free from these chains. I just want to feel whole again. I wanna go out and have fun and not worry about the future. I don't want to sit inside staring at a wall all day. That's basically what I've been doing. Can anybody hear me? Is there anybody out there?