when i was a kid,
i was terrified
of being alone
i would run screaming through the house
if i was by myself for too long
i would pray
no one would forget
to pick me up after school
and interrogated my mother every night
"is the stove off? the doors locked?"
not able to bear the thought
of letting anything
anyone go

and growing up,
i've become more prone
to burning bridges,
old pictures,
only holding on to
what kills me
all the things
i want to forget about in the morning

but i remember
one especially frantic day,
my brother and i
searched the house for our parents
that had never left in the first place
but he said
if they didn't come back
that he would always take care of me
and out there on the porch
that we painted with our father that summer
already peeling, faded like the
grass we accidentally suffocated with mulch
i believed him
and
i still do.