Your love is unhealthy and infectious. I find myself ill with revolt. I'm bedridden; shackled by abandonment and chained by regret. I need an exorcism to purge me of your sin. I've been telling you for months that I wish to be clean of these mind-altering drugs, yet you keep coming back and finding your way into my veins. Who knew that something as delicate as flower petals would be my demise? Who knew that sandy beaches and empty street corners would eventually be the death of all sanity? You doused my heart in gasoline and told me to set myself on fire. Little did you know that the spark inside your eye was enough to catch us both aflame. I used to think that if I couldn't have you, that I'd rather be alone, but now I find myself taking that wretched curse of my past, and carving what's left of you out of my skin. Sadly, the ravines and trenches on my wrists will forever be a symbol of the day I learned what it feels like to break. I woke up screaming last night (every night, oh god, every night), and rose to a room bathed in red, with sacrificial bruises around my throat. I laughed because I realized that my own hands were to blame, not yours. My mind is starting to cave in on itself, and these four walls are getting closer and closer. I'm scared. I feel disgusting and I'm begging you to please, let go. I gave you everything I had. You've taken my spare change and kicked me in the ribs, abandoning me in a crowded alley. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SCREAM OUT YOUR NAME UNTIL IT STOPS MAKING SENSE? WHEN WILL THE STARS QUIT POINTING IN YOUR DIRECTION, AND WHEN WILL YOU RELEASE YOUR FINGERS FROM AROUND MY HEART? I HATE MYSELF FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR HYPOCRISY. I HATE MYSELF FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR GAMES. I HATE MYSELF FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR PAST, BECAUSE ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE A PART OF YOUR  FUTURE. GET OUT OF ME GET OUT OF ME GET OUT OF ME GET OUT OF ME GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUTOUTOUTOUTOUTOUTTOUOUTOUT-

(a.m.) 06/26/14