Jun 2014
Playmates since the age of three
Hide and Seek is the favorite game
Between two best friends.
For ten years secrets were traded like Pokémon cards
And I thought I knew everything about her.
I could have told you her favorite color was blue
She always wanted to be a teacher
And her worst fear was to not fit in.
But I couldn’t tell you who she had a crush on
Because that was one secret that was never traded with me.
Or any other soul.
Had she trusted me
Would she still have looked down the barrel of a gun?
With her own finger dancing with the trigger?
Trembling hands shook as bad as a stage 10 magnitude earthquake
Complete devastation.
As I was handed an envelope with my name signed as carefully
As the love poem it contained.
About the girl that she was in love with.
Since the age of three
That she had been playing hide and seek with
For ten years.
But
Little did her parents know that every time they sent their child over to play?
They were sending her off to war.
Filling her with such strong post-traumatic stress disorder that she couldn’t cope with her own identity.
And I always wondered if my parent’s words echoed through her self-loathing mind as she pulled the trigger
To silence their conservative “opinions”
About
*******
And lesbian feminazis
Or man hating queers.
Echoing
Through my mind since the first time she came over.
Because my parents never felt “right” about her.
At her funeral
I sat in the last row.
I was silent.
Because I didn’t have the courage to say goodbye,
Especially in front of people who would never understand
What it is like to be alienated against the rest of society
Because love can only be defined by the attraction between a man and a woman.
But today
Sitting in the field we used to play hide and seek
The goodbye finally escapes my heart that hasn’t beaten right in a year
Because I have been wishing I had had the courage to tell you,
That you are the only one who has had my heart for ten years.
And I never loved anyone the way I loved you.
But I was so lost in my soul
The words couldn’t escape from pressed lips sewn together by my parent’s misguided hands and the fact that they would NEVER understand
That liking girls was not a choice
And I have spent every day since the day you left
Trying to find where it says in the bible that gays are ****** to hell,
But I am praying that you are now cradled in Gods embrace.
Because no matter how many times we played hide and seek
Neither of us were found buried in the closet.
The two man hating queers,
That my parents could have never accepted.
Hide and Seek is the favorite game
Between two best friends.
For ten years secrets were traded like Pokémon cards
And I thought I knew everything about her.
I could have told you her favorite color was blue
She always wanted to be a teacher
And her worst fear was to not fit in.
But I couldn’t tell you who she had a crush on
Because that was one secret that was never traded with me.
Or any other soul.
Had she trusted me
Would she still have looked down the barrel of a gun?
With her own finger dancing with the trigger?
Trembling hands shook as bad as a stage 10 magnitude earthquake
Complete devastation.
As I was handed an envelope with my name signed as carefully
As the love poem it contained.
About the girl that she was in love with.
Since the age of three
That she had been playing hide and seek with
For ten years.
But
Little did her parents know that every time they sent their child over to play?
They were sending her off to war.
Filling her with such strong post-traumatic stress disorder that she couldn’t cope with her own identity.
And I always wondered if my parent’s words echoed through her self-loathing mind as she pulled the trigger
To silence their conservative “opinions”
About
*******
And lesbian feminazis
Or man hating queers.
Echoing
Through my mind since the first time she came over.
Because my parents never felt “right” about her.
At her funeral
I sat in the last row.
I was silent.
Because I didn’t have the courage to say goodbye,
Especially in front of people who would never understand
What it is like to be alienated against the rest of society
Because love can only be defined by the attraction between a man and a woman.
But today
Sitting in the field we used to play hide and seek
The goodbye finally escapes my heart that hasn’t beaten right in a year
Because I have been wishing I had had the courage to tell you,
That you are the only one who has had my heart for ten years.
And I never loved anyone the way I loved you.
But I was so lost in my soul
The words couldn’t escape from pressed lips sewn together by my parent’s misguided hands and the fact that they would NEVER understand
That liking girls was not a choice
And I have spent every day since the day you left
Trying to find where it says in the bible that gays are ****** to hell,
But I am praying that you are now cradled in Gods embrace.
Because no matter how many times we played hide and seek
Neither of us were found buried in the closet.
The two man hating queers,
That my parents could have never accepted.
