I feel constantly torn between laying in a grassy field,
surrounded by the morning dew,
in my best sundress,
and holding my breath until I pass out six feet under water.

I feel constantly torn between kissing his lips,
fingers entwined with the perfect fit,
bodies pressed together,
and unfastening my seatbelt as I drive into a tree.

I feel constantly torn between all of the beauty I want to indulge in,
and all the hatred I have for being alive.