I.
in his dreams he saw her
in his dreams he wove a tapestry of hope
a phantasmagoria of love's plenitude
but that was only in his dreams
II.
when Fall came
he figured
a deciduous alternative
to pining for the impossible
and succumbed slightly
to the mad sensation
of his fervent passion
instead of leaves
he shed
tears
III.
one day
sunlight streamed down
and he found himself bathed
in warmth
suddenly alive with energy
suddenly vital
suddenly
at long last
himself.
IV.
yes it was penumbra
outside just outside
but within his citadel
his castle a light shone
pure
impervious
elegant
such light as arrives after
a great storm
he thought
the storm had lasted
sixty years
or more
V.
it was hard to define
infinity as a daily companion
but there it was again
sitting on the sofa
staring him down
from its perspective of ever
he had
he thought
to change
into something else
something else
something else
again
a circle mudra
no beginning
no end
infinity at his
fingertips
VI.
in his dream
he was at the shore
of the Prospect Park Lake
dogs were loose and running on the shore
suddenly the dogs began to run into the thin ice of the lake
crash through
start swimming
he saw a couple of german shepherds
three golden doodles
one of whom was his new dog Lola
he watched them swim out
then begin to return by diving
and reappearing closer and closer to the shore
he kept on looking for Lola
but he did not see her
increasingly agitated he asked
where is my dog
repeatedly
then he was in an ambulance
because he had had a stroke
as the ambulance backed up
he saw a golden doodle on his or her back
surely dead
he asked the driver
is that my dog
and the driver did not answer
infinity again appeared
unassuming
and near
VII
in-fin-ity
he pronounced
savory syllables
in inside or of
belonging to
fin end terminus
limit
ity in-the-year
quality of
right-nowness
images without
concrete impact
because after all,
he could only hope
to understand
a vestige
as it appeared
between
the moments when
he looked at his watch
VIII.
his most concrete recall
of infinity manifested
here and now
was:
his older son (at four years old)
had just heard a description of the cosmos
astronomy being one of his (father) interests
as he (father) looked at the sky
in moments of wonder in his (father) life
and what may or not come after
so when it was time for him (son)
to be taken to school in the old VW bug
he (son) sat with a distant look in his(son) eyes
while he (father) tried to start the engine
and suddenly he(son) burst
out crying and he(father) concerned
startled said what's the matter
and he(son) said whimpering
despairing at the immensity of it all
infinity!
IX
he was four years old
on a trip with his father
they stopped at a hill
near railroad tracks
a train came by
the engineer waved
he said "he waved at me"
his father said "no, he waved at me"
then started to climb the hill
he followed
they came to what he thought
was the summit
and he asked when does it end
his father said
this climb is infinite
so they both turned back
you can't start on infinity too soon.
X.
he found a map
city of ny 1930
complete with subways
ferries and the like
he stared at it
for a long time
checking out
so many familiar names
so many half remembered sites
suddenly come alive
from so many years ago
and realized
it could have been yesterday
and maybe it was.
XI.
standing at the very top of Vargas Street
in Quito, he yelled her name,
called her as one calls for a miracle
true to form
nothing happened
except
the street
and his life
spread out before him
and he knew not why
XII
he dreamed three signs:
life
death
infinity
and they were all one and the same
XIII
in the airplane
flying high above
destitute crowds
teeming multitudes
lost continents of grief
he thought he glimpsed
a truth so vast
it stunned him
as he sat
watching
fluffy clouds
reach out
then it was time to land
and he forgot about it.
XIV.
infinity,
companion supreme
and inexpressible
fount
foundation
and relief
of all we are
within thy
subtle
concatenations
(subsuming all
in patient minutes
that escape uncounted)
gather this thy humble
servant
in your mantle of hours
and grant
by thy unknowable presence
that I too
your meaning
(extant
in a universe so vast
only the most minimalist structures
understand)
be revealed
ah, this coffee tastes great!
Thanks!