It's been tough.
For awhile there I'd forgotten what it felt like
To cry in front of people and not feel weak.
It's been tough.
I didn't realize how alone I was
Until I got you back
For more than a moment in passing.
I usually take care of myself so well--
Usually take care of everyone so well.
For awhile there, we took care of each other.
Once I let my guard down--
Out it poured.
I felt.
I felt so much.
I felt for the recent past --What was this?
What has this been?

I lingered at the mirror.
I assessed myself.

Have I been hurt?

I've been hurting.
But it's okay.
You're here now.
It wasn't until I
Let everything out
That I realized…

You're only here for now.
And it's been tough.
These no replies
Are downcast eyes.

Despite my endeavor
I'm more alone than ever.
It's tough to handle.
Resilience is a candle;

It's flickering out--
Imploding, self doubt--
Crippling, consuming,
Your indifference just looming

Over my head,
In the back of my mind.
I wish I could know,

But I fear what I'll find.
So I'll never ask,
Instead, I'll just hope
That you'll drop me a line,
Or throw me a rope.

So I'll trust that you care,
And that's all it would take,
Because feeling unwanted is what I can't shake.
And that seems so crazy with the life that I've had,
But maybe I'm changing,
And maybe I'm mad.

I once was explosive,
But now I'm just sad.

I dwell on what's lost.
I miss what I had.