Today I smoked a cigarette
and another
and another
and another
Until my lungs felt as burnt out as my heart
And my heart felt like the cold ashes settling after the fire has been choked out
My best friend is my cat
Because humans walk around with scissors for mouths
And each hurtful word snips another string
From my head to my heart
Making my head sink lower
and lower
and lower
To the ground
If I keep my eyes down
Then I won't have to see the venom seeping from their eyes like tears
Dripping to the ground
Burning the soles of my feet
Like the thoughts I keep unspoken
Searing through my body until they reach my stomach
Twisting into knots
Every step a punch to the gut
And every breath a fight to hold back the bile
The bile that is my mind
Trying to break through the jail I have kept it in
The jail of thoughts stitched together into an impossibly high wall
You're not good enough
You're not pretty enough
You're not enough
Making my mind lose itself
Trying to escape
By attacking my physical being