midnight was hours ago and i don't know if i'm tired
or if i'm just empty of everything
my feet are cold and i'm sitting on your bed
closing my eyes because my head feels like concrete
and the air feels thick  

i open my eyes and watch you blow smoke towards me
it swirls around and the air feels stretched and pulled
between the two of us

i want to crawl under the covers but i can't stop looking at you
i'm new at this
i think i might be a terrible person
is this what it's like to be young?

you lean forward and we're going to kiss
i don't think it means anything
but still, i like the taste of smoke on your tongue
and my whole chest hurts when we stop

and later, when i'm home
i sit under the water in the shower and cry because
it feels like my skin is on fire where your lips touched me
and my stomach feels tight and knotted
and i can still feel your fingers brushing my hair

i crawl in bed and wonder why i want to be
with you so badly

is this what it's like to be young?