I wish I had you back
I don't believe in an afterlife
if I did there would be some hope
of seeing you
hearing you
listening to you
knowing you
for even a moment

Sticks and Stones broke my bones and left me speechless
left me alone
alone in a room with nothing but the soft whispering echo of what I think you may have sounded like in a darker time passed
I wish even in the times we didn't like each other much that you could be back and I'd rather hate you and know you than you be gone any longer

You said we'd travel the world together
when you got better
when I got older
You and I
strong men together facing the world
but it's funny how the thing that never goes to plan is the plan
I wish we could have played catch one more time
just you and me
a Patriots football gliding through the air like my hopes once did
this time we could play for hours
we never got to before
and one time you'll throw the ball too far and I'll go get it
and by the time I come back you'll be gone
vanished like my hopes
vanished like alcohol in the cup
vanished like the life in your eyes the last time I saw you and never get to say goodbye dad

We were gonna travel the world together
but in that last moment when you see the life drain from the strongest man you know
and you feel the panic in their face and the panic in your heart as you can tell the rope of life is slipping and you can't pull it back
that is more of a life lesson than any traveling could do
The alcohol made it so you'll never meet my wife or my kids someday
You saw a freeze frame image as me as a child in horror the last time you had the life in you to blink
and I'll never forgive myself for handing you those cups
and that's why I'll never drink