i miss myself

****,
i was eloquent
****,
i was going places
****,
i was so young
****,
i'm still so young

****
is all i can muster, these days.
my poetic musings crammed into red-indigo-dark blue,
whereas i was pretentious
starry-eyed,
with a moonlight filled mouth always open

i was hopeful beauty and grace
and my mind was always spinning,
music was not compatible with me,
too much going on up there,
didn't need anything else.
all i do is music now.

man,
i'm just sad now,
sicker than before.
my feet always tapping,
complaining of a bad back,
weak stomach,
poor eyes,
short memory,
knotted stomach,
i'm writing pill bottles and music instead

where am i?
i don't know where i am now
i feel so trapped and lost
out of control
not healthy,
this isn't,
nope.
i ******* know it and i know that i'm so gone