i try to leaves hints that i am falling apart but no one is picking up on them and i am trying to keep it together for now so i can at least suffer in scilence for a little while and i have had this urge to take the blade into my skin again and its been three months since i last had the relief and i wonder will it work as well as it did before? because i remember laying on the bathroom floor screaming in agony because the blood just kept dripping out but no one heard me my mom across the hall didnt hear me i try to be someone who i am not and i am trying to be what these ******* want me to be but at the end of the day all i want is a ******* bowl in one hand and the ******* blade in the other and i know that sounds ****** but i don't know how else to say it without just coming out and being completely honest and although nobody who cares about me will read this but someone will at least i think actually im laying on the bathroom floor right now, wondering if its worth it to take the cold piece of metal and wow my writing has been so ****** lately and i dont know how to fix myself anymore because i cant count on my fingers anymore how many times ive had to put myself back together and i use the word and a lot and im sorry but for ***** sake someone talk to me let me cry on your shoulder let me be me let me laugh let me smile let me listen to awful pop music with you and let me let you be happy too.
what the **** is that apologizes for what is written there