I am numb. I heard what she said but my mind went dumb. Was I shocked my worst fears had come true? Shouldn't I have been sad my life was in pieces and there was nothing I could do? Everything I'd worked for, everything I'd loved- this was my only constant and now it's all torn up.

I've been told we're never given more we can handle but this is too much for me. I can't even show emotion when my heart is breaking. I've never had it easy, and I've never been happy. I guess I just don't expect those things. But I had ONE thing, just one. That was kept sacred, one single source of love. Now that's gone too and I'm too ****** up- to react. It seems every time I try to get up life knocks me onto my back.

I can feel the ground collapsing beneath my feet. But I'll stay perfectly still, don't move, don't scream. Just stand there and try to breathe.