drowning

i am drowning
being slowly dragged under by the weight of my guilt
cosumed in my bed
as i lay warm inside my emotional quilt
it layers me like i layer myself
layer upon layer , upon layer , upon layer
my invisible angels watch over me
kneeling in prayer, to someone that isnt there
at the side of my bed
they are manifestations, pehaps halusinations
dreamed up inside my head
the reside on an even keel
with demons and the dead

am i a freckle on a pretty girls face
or mabye an obsolete number
that has no place
in this life or the next
am i a love letter,  a text
perhaps the next phone call
to say the one you love
wont be comming home today
life demands he stays
under the car broken and twisted
soon to be listed
as just another dead brother, son, friend, father
to a little one
who will now have to rely on mum
as the important one

its getting late
as i lie here at night , full of fright
clinging to thoughts that are not right
but without them , i might , not make it
without devils and demons
to help me fake it, what does it leave
the cold touch of reality,  ****
sludge ****  thick and black
hanging on my back, breaking my spine
leaching off everything thats mine
**** comming out of my eyes, my ears
**** comming out of my mind, making me blind
to everything that makes sence
**** that builds a fence
to keep nice things away
at least for today

if i remove the mask
how long will the next one last
life demands so much
my masks cant keep up
have to wear a new one each day
smile politely and say, lying of course
i am really ok
then i turn and go back to my life of clay
moulding, folding this and that way
ptting on another face
to help me get through another day