I'll never write about how much I miss you.

I'll never write about how often I think about you.

I'll never write about how I think about you when I am alone in bed at night.

I’ll never write about how I like to think that you are watching me in daily life.

I’ll never write about how I much I miss being called your girl.

I’ll never write about how I still and always will think of you when I walk down that isle in the grocery store when you first held my hand in public and told me that this is how it would be from now on.

I’ll never write about how I still get butterflies in my stomach when I have a voice mail from you.

I’ll never write about how I turn into a girl trying to decide what to wear when we sneak out together.

I’ll never write about how I wish we didn't have to sneak.

I’ll never write about how much it hurt when we ended it.

I’ll never write about how much it hurt again when you made it clear there was no future for us, ever.

I’ll never write about how I hope and pray that someday that will turn out to be a lie.

I’ll never write about how I worry that if that does become a lie, will we survive past the “honeymoon stage”.

I’ll never write about how I would hate to lose our friendship.

I’ll never write about how much I love you.

I’ll never write about how much I wish I knew what that meant.

I’ll never write about how I wish you lived back in town.

I’ll never write about how I cherish our outings, whatever they may be made up of.

I’ll never write about how I go back and relive the best and worst days we have shared.

I’ll never write about how much I long for them back.

I’ll never write about how I wonder where we would be if I had made a different decision all those years ago.

I’ll never write about how much I still hurt over how I hurt you.

I’ll never write about you, because if I do, I may never stop, and I may realize all of the things that I have loved and lost and I may realize that I may never be whole again, and I may realize that I will never again be that happy smiling, confident, loved, crazy girl that you loved I may never recover.


© Misty Bishop-Martiss