Staring at the holy hands of the one woman i have truly worshiped
the only one who deserved it
I know I do not have it
And it had been 5 months since I saw her but at the mere sight of
her small self
those ears i adored
her arms that i knew so well
my chest broke in half and i had nothing to say
everything to say
but it’s not the appropriate time
good god- now’s not the time
so i held the words inside my throat
and stared at the sky while you were talking to your new roommate
about the brand of cigarettes you now smoke
and i remember always hating that you smoked
because i wanted you to live the longest life
because you were my favorite person
because in many ways, you still are
even though we hardly know one another
we will always know the major details
how our loyalty comes out during the important times
how we view cereal as a meal
how you know the stupid things i do to try to impress you
when i hate trying to with anyone else
yet we don't know any of the small details
like what each other had for breakfast
what our last t-shirt purchase was
or when we last cried
that is, until tonight
and there you were,
going on about how American Spirits are now a thing of comfort for you
and my mind can't help but wonder
what it is that you need comfort for
but tears are welling up in my eyes
so instead, i stare at the sky
and try to block out your speech with stars and unseen things