if i focus on numbers the passion it fades. focus on lines and the colors turn gray. how do i balance? i want back my vision! the surge of creative that grants me my wisdom. if i focus on dates, on filling a schedule: i don't smell the flowers or notice their yellow. i don't cry so easy, my shell becomes tougher. i react much quicker, i act like my mother. i think green. i think thin. i clench my fists YOU CAN'T COME IN. i don't want to feel. why do i choose artificial//real?