I pride myself on having excellent self-control.
When it comes to drugs and alcohol
I simply don't do drugs
and feel most comfortable drinking with my parents.

This doesn't make me a *****.
It just makes me self-aware.

In fact, I pride myself on being self-aware.
When It comes to emotions and ***
I identify my emotions
And I don't let my hormones pressure me into anything.

But that's just it.
How long can I keep that up?
My resolve is bending.
It's far from breaking, but I'm doubting my ability to hold it strong.

Like I said, your hand is literally burning into my side.
And I love it.
But I don't love you.

I can tell my options are multiplying and
the attention I get is expanding and
I am terrified of making the wrong choices.

I pride myself on self-control and awareness
but they just make me more ignorant.
I know what's going through my head
but I don't know what's going on with my body.

For now, I'll put you all in a box and observe you.
It's not because I don't want to be close to you,
It's because I literally have not ******* I idea what to do.
Literally no clue.

So I'll just wait to see who brings me Dahlias first.