There was snow
and ECTs
and the locked doors
of the locked ward

and Yiska was sitting
by the window
looking at the sunrise
after an almost

sleepless night
looks deep
I said
looking out

at the snow
on the trees and fields
she gazed at me
can't you sleep either?

bits and pieces of sleep
snatches of dreams
or nightmares
I said

I heard you
with that night nurse
during the night
Yiska said

asking her about
going home
you were awake too?
yes I got up for a while

and stared at the snow
coming down
against the moon's light
it looked so peaceful

so surreal
being stuck in here
seems surreal
I said

we'll get out one day
she said
walk out
into the free air

and no quacks or nurses
snooping over you
and no more ECTs
no more **** headaches

and all because
that ******* left me
at the altar
on my wedding day

I looked at her
sitting there
her hair unbrushed
her eyes red

her dressing gown
loose and pulled over
her white legs
gives you time to think

of things you don't want
to think about
and the ECTs
don't help

despite
what they claim
I said
when I woke up that time

after one
of my ECT sessions
my head was heavy with pain
and I saw you

lying on the bed
next to mine
and thought momentarily
we were dead

and I’d woken
in some kind of Limbo
with that white light
coming through cracks

in the shutters
then you woke
and we stared at each other
and never spoke.