Darling
If I could
I'd tell you a secret
which is
I never stopped loving you
but you're gone
and that's good
because you need to be
some people just aren't good for other people
and we wore our tracks of sadness into the carpet like marks
from constant pacing in fear
what if he doesn't really love me..
I don't deserve this love..
I'll never tell you, dear.
Because I've found that often times love is harder to accept than it is to give
giving love is like giving flowers
but taking love is like trusting someone to catch you when you fall
all the love we give and all the love we take
It turns out, in the end, you were a sort of poison for me
slow burning
quiet sulking
at times feeling like nothing at all
but you were also a joy
you were a delight and a warmth in my darkest night of the soul
you were, despite what you lacked, my knight in shining armor
you were, my passion, my desire, my naked summer nights
for a time
before you became my thorn covered castle
my love who broke my outstretched fingers..
But love, I was more the fool.. like a child, I did not know..
I caught a colorful bird and held onto it so tightly, fearing it would never come back to me should I fail to keep it clutched tight.
I was wrong
I broke your feathers, I hurt your little wings for all I tried to nurture them, and you in turn turned against the flesh of my hands..
I should have set you free the first time you see
because every time I ever said I needed you was a lie to myself
and to you
I needed you to teach me that I did not need you
and you did
and even though now, you are a thousand miles away
sleeping in some other bed
writing me at times to tell me what a mistake it is you left
I'm glad you are free now
and I'll never let you come back, because it wasn't fair to anyone
I know that to love is ever to brush the tips of your fingertips across a bird in flight
watch it soar
to stare in amazement as such beauty wheels through a diamond sky
and alights upon my wrist
heavier than I would believe for such an airy being
with such talons as to rend the heart from my chest..
free yet choosing to reach for me