In the name of health I stopped bandaid-ing with busyness
with food
with spending
with caffeine
with you
and it stripped me raw
back to a preteen self before the trauma really came
and a preteen me after the waves hit
year after year of desperation soothed by self medication
Exposed without crutches I find a dull pulse of someone who wishes to be rotting
because to rot suggests life and I feel like a statue in pieces that never meant much of anything to anyone
not even my creators
counting hours down without anything to count to; afraid to live like I was and afraid to exist like I am
I'm taking my courage with what little grace I can offer and I'm giving into faith, the Father.