I hope your wifi signal is always just ****** enough that your YouTube videos buffer forever.
May your favorite sports team make it to the championship game every year and lose. Every. **** Time.
I hope every grade you get for every class be an 89, a 79, or a 69 so it stings you every time to know you were almost good enough.
May you always get stuck in rush hour traffic.
May your favorite Thai dish always be a little too spicy for you to eat.
I hope your favorite sunglasses go missing and you never find them again.
I wish nothing but mild inconveniences for you for the rest of your life. I want you to hurt for hurting me, but I still love you too much to wish you any real harm.