May 2014
Midnight marked the twenty year anniversary
Of my arrival here. It led me straight to
The grey area between teenage antics
And the road to adulthood and a career.
Weighed by the pressure to get it together
But still not old enough to buy a beer.
And twenty sounds so young
In relation to all the time I have left
But sounds too old to be stuck in the rut I'm in
While my peers are riding on success.
Did I fall behind somewhere,
And when?
Or is my pace just fine
For someone with such an unsteady maze of a mind?
I've reached a standstill in my life but they tell me
My story is just now beginning to unfold.
I gave my dreams a head start in hopes my passion would grow with time
But I've been chasing them in this foot race
And I've let myself fall behind.
Twenty years seems plenty young in light of medicine today
Allowing us to expand our life expectancy at such a high rate.
But I feel I'm wasting so much time when I realize it's been two decades.
I have more ideas than my head can hold
But when they sound the alarm and try to make an escape
Every emergency exit gets backed up and crowded leaving me in a state
Of anxiety and panic and I lose all motivation.
It's like when my brother told me the things we fear most
Are the only things worth doing in life
But the future leaves me feeling like I'm standing sixty stories high
Blending into the city skyline, glancing over the edge
And my intrusive thinking brings on visions
Of a fatal plunge to the rush hour traffic below
And I step back and shake off tunnel vision
Choking back nausea from vertigo.
Two decades into my time on earth, I'm still just a baby
I've learned the bare essentials
And was dropped off on my own
With nothing but limited knowledge of the "real world"
They've tried so long to protect me from.
And the sugar coating that they sprinkle over every word they say
Was always too sickeningly sweet, I can no longer stomach "It will be okay."
And they've left me with a harsh reality to face and a mouth full of teeth that have decayed.
And twenty years is just the start of the life that's directed exclusively by me
Unscripted, raw, and entirely too real
The way they never explained life turns out to be.
Of my arrival here. It led me straight to
The grey area between teenage antics
And the road to adulthood and a career.
Weighed by the pressure to get it together
But still not old enough to buy a beer.
And twenty sounds so young
In relation to all the time I have left
But sounds too old to be stuck in the rut I'm in
While my peers are riding on success.
Did I fall behind somewhere,
And when?
Or is my pace just fine
For someone with such an unsteady maze of a mind?
I've reached a standstill in my life but they tell me
My story is just now beginning to unfold.
I gave my dreams a head start in hopes my passion would grow with time
But I've been chasing them in this foot race
And I've let myself fall behind.
Twenty years seems plenty young in light of medicine today
Allowing us to expand our life expectancy at such a high rate.
But I feel I'm wasting so much time when I realize it's been two decades.
I have more ideas than my head can hold
But when they sound the alarm and try to make an escape
Every emergency exit gets backed up and crowded leaving me in a state
Of anxiety and panic and I lose all motivation.
It's like when my brother told me the things we fear most
Are the only things worth doing in life
But the future leaves me feeling like I'm standing sixty stories high
Blending into the city skyline, glancing over the edge
And my intrusive thinking brings on visions
Of a fatal plunge to the rush hour traffic below
And I step back and shake off tunnel vision
Choking back nausea from vertigo.
Two decades into my time on earth, I'm still just a baby
I've learned the bare essentials
And was dropped off on my own
With nothing but limited knowledge of the "real world"
They've tried so long to protect me from.
And the sugar coating that they sprinkle over every word they say
Was always too sickeningly sweet, I can no longer stomach "It will be okay."
And they've left me with a harsh reality to face and a mouth full of teeth that have decayed.
And twenty years is just the start of the life that's directed exclusively by me
Unscripted, raw, and entirely too real
The way they never explained life turns out to be.
