Today I walked across the street with my eyes closed
just to see if I was really meant to be here
and of course,
again I go unnoticed

no longer do I know who I am
never have I felt so lost,
so lost and confused
I don’t know what is right,
and what is wrong

God how I wish you would make me feel as if I belonged

so lost and confused
still looking for my purpose in life,
right now feels as though I don’t have one
but I’m still looking
for that reason to believe

cause nothing makes you feel more alive
than feeling your bones break
from that bone shattering impact of a car in traffic
just watching the blood drip from your open veins

God please give me a reason

right now it feels as if I should give up
I wouldn’t wish this feeling,
upon my greatest enemy
where are you God?
I don't feel you,
I don’t see you,
I don’t hear you,

I dreamt of falling
so great the feeling of life
you don’t feel more alive then the moment in life,
where death can arise
the rush I need comes from life threatening events

God why do you hate me?
I know I am no angel but do I really deserve this pain?

It aches when I breathe,
choking on my own words,
I wish they hit me
I wish I felt alive
I want to feel the impact, I want to feel those broken bones
I want to see that scarlet drip

God what did I do to make you hate me?