People keep asking me
Jessica, why did you cut your hair?
My immidiate response is
I just needed a change and 11 inches
Seemed like a wise one to go about.
Some look at me sideways
Others accept it and move on
A few whisper about my ****** orientation
Behind my back even when I know
That they are right.
Their whispers do not matter
And they never will to me.
But I just keep lying.

I cut my hair because I am sad.
Those 11 inches were lost because
I couldn't let myself lose my life.
It is so short because she has never
Seen it brown or short and I need
To pretend I never knew her.
That is how I'm dealing with her
Not being around anymore.
I cut my hair because I kept feeling
Her hands in it from that Monday.
I cut my hair because I can't let people
Call me Jess when she isn't around.
I cut my hair so not one would recognize me.
So she won't recognize me next time.
And she will make the decision
To leave me when she finds what
Happened when I cut my hair
To get rid of her fingers
Only to replace them with foreign limbs.
I cut my hair for a change, yes.
But that change did not come.
Not the one I was looking for.

My hair is short because I am sad.
And I still can't bear to lose my life.
But I need another impulse
To keep my heart beating at a normal pace.
Too slow if I'm sad.
Too fast if I'm panicked.
Short hair was my middle ground.
My plan didn't work.