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Nightmares

by she-who-must-not-be-named

Nightmares. I hate them. They keep me awake, They torture me. They won’t let me wake up. “Sleep! Sleep!” they say. “Stay awake! Watch out!” they taunt.                   So tired…. I’m falling…it’s so dark. I grasp air, scramble for a hold.                                I find it! I scrape my hands and hit my leg The jolt and the pain wakes me again. I can’t sleep. It’s not safe in the dark Ah! I can’t stand the light Nightmares…Dammit! I hate them! My dearest, yes, that’s it. My darling! My love, he keeps me safe. He’ll talk to me; comfort! No, he’s sleeping. I cannot bother him. Sleep. Nightmares. Falling….                                         No! My love…yes, there it is. He’s so warm, I can feel it now. Mmm, my darling; he will not let me fall. He will always hold on Despite myself, despite my temper Despite my rants, despite my antics. Through all the…the… Anger! Frustration! Overexcitement and Fear! Distress and worry! Paranoia! Damn those nightmares! I can’t help it. I’m sorry. I just…. So much feeling. I get… Jumbled. I get… Mixed up? I don’t know He helps me. Holds me. Loves me, even.                                               How? I cry and scream, I back away, He follows. I’m sorry. I just get so jumbled. He holds me. I’m so tired… Sleep, oh sleep…. I close my eyes And I’m falling. It’s so dark, hands are grabbing for me. The light, I want to find it But I can’t! I’m being                                                       Chased. Dammit! Nightmares, I hate them! Why can’t they be quiet, go away… SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE! I’m so tired I just I Get so Jumbled. Up and Up and Up And I can’t stop I’ll fall.                                                            The light, why is it so bright? Nightmares, voices, people, monsters Get away all of you! No, Not you. I need you, don’t go Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. It’s the nightmares I feel like I’m falling, Like I’m being chased These things, they’re everywhere, And the light, it’s too bright And I get so jumbled I can’t help it.                                                                             I’m so tired. “Sleep! Sleep!” “Stay awake! Watch out!” Will the taunting ever end? Darling…wake up…. I can’t wake up. I’m being chased I can’t stop, or else                                                                                                               I’ll fall.
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Written by
she-who-must-not-be-named
For You?
Written by
she-who-must-not-be-named
Published
May 19, 2014
Time
5m
Notes

The point of this poem (originally written to be a poetic dramatic monologue) is to capture the perspective of someone who suffers from Schizophrenia. Through this I hoped to portray the surreal, jumbled feelings that one may experience as well as the difficulty in distinguishing waking life from dreams. My goal with the ejected sentences was to give the reader the effect of not only detached, desperate thoughts but also of someone running, and falling.

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Tags
#love#dream#poem#broken#anger#worry#alone#sleep#scared#leave#up#lost#fall#dark#frustration#hands#people#stay#quiet#falling#help#stop#run#hold#down#light#cold#being#warm#hot#comfort#rant#loud#insane#paranoia#voices#nightmares#darling#monsters#distress#found#wake#bright#chase#dearest#torture#crowded#jumbled#schizophrenic#mixed#temper#frustrated#excitement#chased#paranoid#taunting#oldstyle#cantescape#grabbing
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