to the ******* who stole my phone...

May you rot in pieces
but not before you trip over your own foot and stumble upon a chunk of uprooted sidewalk falling face-first into a vat of honey, and after pulling yourself out find your eyes blind and fumble-walk backwards into pit of hungry/angry/frenzied Red Fire ants that will devour you painfully and slowly stinging every millimeter of your body/mind/soul until all that is left are the undesired bones of yours that shan't be buried but left to rot, as I said before, in pieces.

Or you can just return my phone to me.

Thank you.