I remember you

you are painful to remember

your face a muse in my deepest beliefs
on what the real meaning of love is
or mAYbe something else

Im so bound by my memories of you
they fall in my mind like the roots of dandylions
but with wishes that never came true

sometimes I feel
that I wish I could have lived with you in some remote world
far from the one we met
far from the one that any who have felt this way will ever go
Im engrossed in my simplicity towards you
towards your remarkable face

you brought joy
you brought anguish
you brought fear
and deliverance
to the furthest place away from you that my feet could possibly take me

why is it that my mind always goes back to you
at times
when Im almost on the edge of relief
you take my sanity away from me

and Im left in the same place once more
I feel like a failure everytime
who is left with nothing
not even the joy in my commitment of straying myself away
from the very core of you
for it is imbedded in my core
you are the seed and Im the outer layer of the fruit
that will never ripen with time
or with age
Im stuck in a pandominoum
in a world
where the sun does not shine
and I do not move foward

I assume that the only thing that will bring me refuge
is your voice
which is the only thing that terrorizes me most

you are a monster caged in the very depths of my thoughts
I have lost the key to let you go
to free you from my restless mind
I hear your echoes every night beaming in my head
agony mixed with revelations of something I was so unfamiliar with
until your frail and young exsistence came into my life

I did not want to be the one to show you
the one to bring you into that world
it was so painful for me
will you ever now
how weak I felt holding that responsibilty in my small hands
I have never felt so small before

the sin
the relaxtion
the realse
the pain

you let me be the barrer of these
and now Im left with all except relaxtion
and without you

our story falls on the thorns of beautiful roses
Im stuck on the needles
while I stare at the pedals in rememberance
of all the things that I can no longer touch
with my veins
I end this poem like I ended me and you
without wanting to