You're looking down please don't look down again. We live in a culture of self-deprecation and self-loathing but we are not slaves to it. Just because you feel like curling up like a hedgehog doesn't mean you have to -- It's easy, and you're tired, but you don't have to.
You are better than this. You are better than whatever version of yourself you see in the mirror on those morningsΒ Β you don't want to leave the house better than your father was better than I am, honestly. There is so much goodness in you -- stop pulling back there is nothing to be afraid of. Trust me. It took me years to find that out for myself.