You're looking down please don't look down again. We live in a culture of self-deprecation and self-loathing but we are not slaves to it. Just because you feel like curling up like a hedgehog doesn't mean you have to -- It's easy, and you're tired, but you don't have to.
You are better than this. You are better than whatever version of yourself you see in the mirror on those mornings you don't want to leave the house better than your father was better than I am, honestly. There is so much goodness in you -- stop pulling back there is nothing to be afraid of. Trust me. It took me years to find that out for myself.