that i failed that day
and it wasn't a hearse
that took me away
just an ambulance
with blaring lights
at three in the morning
in the dead of night.
am i happier now
that i didn't succeed
that i didn't succumb
to my illness's greed
when i swallowed the pills
and i kissed you goodbye
waiting for the train
to my home
in the sky.
was i wrong to be scared
when i called 9-1-1
when i told them the truth
of what i had done
or should i have waited
and let the life leave my eyes
and smiled in triumph
as i faced my demise.
those that love me would say
that i did the right thing
that it wasn't my time
to hear the angels
sing
but i never told them that i
heard no angels that day
just the screaming of
demons
when i tried to pray
to the god i wished so much
to take me
from this life that had succeeded
to break me
but just silence from he
who was supposed to be there
as i slipped into death's arms
i was all too aware
of the smell of hell's sulfur
polluting the air.
so i asked for help
though i wanted it not
and every day that i live
the smell of hell's all i've got
to keep me from trying
again and again, so
i'll just have to wait
for a more timely
end.