My fingers shake as I grip my coffee mug and your face comes to mind- yesterday you told me you loved me but I couldn't say anything. My heart beat too fast and words caught in my throat and all I knew was that I had to get out of there. I didn't used to have these sky high walls around my heart, but maybe that's why I do now. And I'm sorry that I strive to keep myself so closed-off, that my veins show more color than my words. I know you're infinitely frustrated with how fiercely my eyes guard the secrets of my mind because I'm frustrated too with how afraid I am to put my mending heart in someone else's hands. You don't deserve to love a girl whose stomach turns at the thought of something permanent. But I promise I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying to say I love y-