He came over me with power and smoke. No hints of love which I neither asked for nor expected just the blanketing feeling that I was transitioning from something like warm air to something like rain. 
He’d kiss and hold and touch the way I was told the best ones do. Sell me to feel ways I assumed were only available to other people not because I am unworthy just because I felt so small in comparison to the weight he carries with him. 
I stood no chance against my own senses. Captive of a shaking earth with all of its walls but no roof or floors. The only consistency I could reach for ached in my guts every time I saw him. Wanting to be pulled close only to be peeled off flinging him away. 
If I have learned anything it is that he expected nothing and in this I can balance regret sour in my mouth with all his empty words and spines on my lips from where I kissed with the intention of growing private roses.