May 2014
After all this time I still remember everything clearly
The way it was silent and all you could hear were my muffled sobs
But that still didn’t stop you
When I asked you what you were doing and you continued to trail kisses upon my body
When I asked you to stop and you only shoved your tongue down my mouth
You tasted of stale alcohol and cigarettes and it took everything not to throw up
I tried prying your hands as they trailed lower on my body, but that only made your hold on me tighter
I tried screaming out for someone to hear me but no one did, no one came
I don’t even remembering how I got in this situation, or what led to this
I closed my eyes and tried not to think about it until I felt your hand at my waist band
That’s when I really started to panic, that’s when my sobs became louder but it didn’t faze you
You only continued more, until you finished and got whatever you wanted out of it
I try to forget the rest, pretending like it didn’t happen
After all I did was cry and try to get the taste of you off
I tried scrubbing my skin till it was beat red but it wasn’t enough
Nothing could take the feeling of empty away
Nothing could take away how I felt with myself
Eventually you came back for more, it was never more than touching and forced kisses but it still made me sick to my stomach
After the second time you stopped and I never saw you again
Sometimes I still see that weak girl that I did then
That weak little girl who didn’t know how to protect herself
That weak little girl who ended up hurting herself because it was her fault
Everything was her fault
I don’t talk about that night
I feel like if I talk about it, it actually happened
If I go on with life like it never happened then it didn’t
But the ugly truth is that it did happen
I let it happen
I could have fought harder
Screamed louder
Cried and begged more
But in a moment of shock, I didn’t do anything
I never told anyone who it was or what they looked like
I didn’t want pity or help
I didn’t want to see the face of my parents
So I stayed quiet
Maybe I should have told
It's a little to late now
But I'll never forget that night no matter how hard I try
And that's the problem
The way it was silent and all you could hear were my muffled sobs
But that still didn’t stop you
When I asked you what you were doing and you continued to trail kisses upon my body
When I asked you to stop and you only shoved your tongue down my mouth
You tasted of stale alcohol and cigarettes and it took everything not to throw up
I tried prying your hands as they trailed lower on my body, but that only made your hold on me tighter
I tried screaming out for someone to hear me but no one did, no one came
I don’t even remembering how I got in this situation, or what led to this
I closed my eyes and tried not to think about it until I felt your hand at my waist band
That’s when I really started to panic, that’s when my sobs became louder but it didn’t faze you
You only continued more, until you finished and got whatever you wanted out of it
I try to forget the rest, pretending like it didn’t happen
After all I did was cry and try to get the taste of you off
I tried scrubbing my skin till it was beat red but it wasn’t enough
Nothing could take the feeling of empty away
Nothing could take away how I felt with myself
Eventually you came back for more, it was never more than touching and forced kisses but it still made me sick to my stomach
After the second time you stopped and I never saw you again
Sometimes I still see that weak girl that I did then
That weak little girl who didn’t know how to protect herself
That weak little girl who ended up hurting herself because it was her fault
Everything was her fault
I don’t talk about that night
I feel like if I talk about it, it actually happened
If I go on with life like it never happened then it didn’t
But the ugly truth is that it did happen
I let it happen
I could have fought harder
Screamed louder
Cried and begged more
But in a moment of shock, I didn’t do anything
I never told anyone who it was or what they looked like
I didn’t want pity or help
I didn’t want to see the face of my parents
So I stayed quiet
Maybe I should have told
It's a little to late now
But I'll never forget that night no matter how hard I try
And that's the problem
