I feel *****
Like the ***** you cannot shake or wash away
A ***** that smells but is only putrid to you
The disappointment, the despair
The dirtiness that you feel when you dripped gasoline on your hands
Where the fragrance never leaves and the memory hits you
A constant reminder of what you did
Like a stain that stares at you and reveals what was done
Where it bleeds through the many layers designed to conceal it but it wreaks.
And as I go through my day, I can't look my parents in the eye
I can't smile at them like the son they love
For the smell only embarrasses me more
"They didn't raise me to be this way"
And I stumble with words to form an excuse
Jumbled and fake I have no alibi
I am a convicted man and as the plan goes
My action only makes me lower my head in shame
I want to shove it under my bed, strangle it and let it die with time
But inside I know
Inside I feel
That this smell will be forever there
Another stench I must solemnly bare.