Try to escape my own mind
I can't take this anymore
That one thought
That one thought
I need it to be gone
I just can't take it,
Not anymore
What do I do?
Distract myself?
Music
The lyrics will sooth me and make me forget
I listen carefully to every lyric and beat
Registering it in my mind
This is working thank god
Oh god no
This thought is back
Suddenly every syllable makes my mind leap back to that one thing I dare not speak

I close my eyes and think for one more moment
The thought still taking up halve my mind

What do I do to make me forget?

I'll draw

Yes, that's it!

Distract me from this please

I begin scribbling on a page
Making sure my attention is on the paper alone
I watch closely as the white page turns blue like a rabbit loosing its winter coat

Oh god

What am I doing?
What am I drawing?
I see the pen create a familiar shape
No no no
I can't
I throw the pen to the side of the room
This wasn't right
I didn't mean to draw that

What else can I do?

How else does one distract?

I'll write
yes, that's what I'll do

I suppose that's good enough

I retrieve my pen and open up an unscathed page in my book

As I begin to search my mind for inspiration I begin to unwillingly write.

I looked down at the page, unsure what I just wrote

As I looked at it I felt my heartbeat speed like a drunken driver

The word that makes me so terrified

A word that I dare not speak
No
Dare not think

Maybe the only way to forget is to face my fear

Quietly I read it out

Terrified of what consequence it will bring

From my trembling lips the hollow sound slips out

"Him"